What I Know About Multiplicity Today - Tuesday, February 24, 2015 – Day
55
Today, there were
six areas of interest from the Google Alerts.
There were 14 entries (see annotated references below) that included: 1)
people being concerned over having Multiplicity, 2) people who were new to it,
3) one person married to a Multiple - though undiagnosed, 4) Multiples
discussing general concerns, 5) notice of a play based on Multiplicity, and 6)
an abstract where researchers were looking at personality
traits in older adults looking at risk factors for suicide ideation.
Although
Multiplicity isn’t a “personality disorder,” there is most likely a higher than
normal risk for suicidal ideation with Multiples who commonly have PTSD,
depression and/or anxiety or borderline personality disorder. One Questionnaire by Townsend
asks if “risk of suicide” correlates with unresolved issues of grief. Other studies (not named) tie sexual abuse
and incest directly to becoming suicidal.
The researchers studying today’s work of suicidal ideation are looking
into depression, but also hopelessness, perceived burdensomeness and thwarted
belongingness.
In general today’s
work shows that some people concerned about having Multiplicity worry and look
for opinions by people more knowledgeable about Multiplicity, especially
through some of the more informal forums, for example, psych
forum, experience
project, tumbler,
or “recover
your life” are the forums represented in today’s Google alerts. One of the individuals commented on her
interest in finding out about Multiplicity before
seeing a psychiatrist. There are
many things to worry about, such as thinking one is not “normal,” not knowing
what the diagnosis means, or even the belief that people might not think
Multiples are valid, or have validity. In
Winona, MN where we went to college there were three psychiatrists and none
believed in dissociative identity disorder (DID) and that had a decidedly and disproportionately
bad effect on our treatment for suicidality.
We were locked in a room with just a mattress on the floor for the
majority of our stay at the hospital. One
writer who had OCD commented on being
afraid of “getting” DID. There is a
strong tie of Multiplicity with childhood sexual abuse so that a person who
doesn’t have that problem might question if there is something she is
forgetting.
After one is
diagnosed, it is common to have strong feelings such as feeling alone and scared
or being overwhelmed. Not only does the
individual sometimes question the diagnosis, they are also (if actually
Multiple) being subjected to internal chaos.
Often people within have learned to hide their identities for the
systems benefit. And, suddenly the balloon is untied and air is rushing out. It
is frustrating because things are hard to explain, there may be panic, and
there is definitely the desire to have the “thoughts” stop. To be overwhelmed is to be
taken over by a certain amount of force not unlike the original crises’. It is very overpowering and threatening to
any sense of self one had had. Of
course, there are others, who seem to know and understand their Multiplicity
without all the fanfare, but people using the forums are usually more upset and
looking for support from others sharing common feelings and experiences. Many still look for advice – for example, in
sorting it all out.
One of the people
writing today is the
husband of someone who is suspected to be a Multiple by a husband/wife team. Supporters of people with Multiplicity go
through an upsetting nest of problems in learning to better communicate,
facilitate care for the Multiple, if needed, as well as tending to children or
others living in the home. Online
support is commonly sought by people especially lacking available support from
the medical community. Some feel it is
liberating and they gain perspective by sharing one’s symptoms or difficulties through
reflective writing to both self and others.
Randomly “blind” social support has to be taken, however, with a grain
of salt. We have to be responsible for
our choices and decisions no matter what the social and less formal outcomes. Working as a couples’ team is also difficult
due to hearing all the messages of the different people within the Multiples’
system. One of my partner’s favorite
expressions is, “Dear, bring it up a level,” which could mean he needs the help
of more mature people within our system.
Part of the messages are verbal and some of the messages are
non-verbal. The care-taker of the two can
find himself trying to help manage “traumatic memories” although they are not
his memories.
One Multiple in
today’s work discussed problems of fading
memories – including childhood memories.
Without a sense of history one can question himself asking, “Who am
I?” If you are unconsciously
exchanging people in and out and each asks the question - each answer is
different, so the question becomes much more complex because the system has to
hold some common sense of unified purpose and duty. We as Multiples become overwhelmed by
movements from especially the littles, especially when not fitting into adult
skillsets common in our work, school or home environment. I can recall being at work once when one of
our littles jumped up screaming because there was a spider on the floor. We shared the office with an elderly nun. I believe her comment was, “Gather
yourself!” The amount
of switching will affect selves as well as the speed (suddenness) of the
switching. It is easy to get to the
point of feeling out of
control and anxious. And, it is sometimes
difficult to share these feelings and thoughts with the outer “3D-world”
because there is a stigma
of having a disorder such as DID.
If
you are unsure of yourself, or one of your other selves, Multiples will sometime
attempt to block that person (even self) from being “out front” because we
don’t want the littles or more vulnerable disrupted or we don’t want to be
disrupted personally by what feels like a psychological sabotage. It can feel like being out of control to have
someone else “in front” often because when you are in the backseat, you don’t
remember all the details of driving or seeing what the driver sees and
experiences. It is like looking
over one’s shoulder. The view isn’t
as clear.
We
find in our own system, as others do, that you get to know others within your
system by trying to defend your ideas of what happened when, and noticing what were the characteristics of
someone that just presented or behaved in such and such a manner. There is a lot of confusion and
frustration. It is also normal to
compare yourself with one or more of the internal others so that in an
observer’s role you share things that are positive, but also things that leave
you feeling very inadequate. One person
might understand the order of putting together a complex work routine, but then
when surprised by the duty as a questionable learning activity – no, I don’t
know consciously who decides these things – we call her Marie, but if you are
left holding an empty bag, you can feel very inadequate and without hope
because of lack of personal ability or knowledge, and you know this fumbling is
going to happen over and over. The
memory bag or bucket appears to have permanent holes in it.
It
also seems that when you are not in control some “other” part of you has large
bits of control. It is not uncommon to
believe that one’s system is held by relatively a few group leaders. One writer asked if others experience
Multiplicity in the third person. Somewhat
humorously, it seems that when someone doesn’t want responsibility or believes
something is too hard, they are even surer that some other “part” is in control
of that facet of behavior. But, as you
become aware that you are now “on the scene and caught out,” it is up to you in
real time to take the opus of responsibility, if not communication for any of
the proceeding events. There is also a
certain amount of sadness when you are NOT out because it is kind of sad not to
have time out with external others. Most
people want to share by meeting others, or working and playing in the outside
world to gain new experiences. Amy
Jackson invites people to meet her personalities through her videos of various
parts being self-interviewed. She is a
Hindi actor.
Each Multiple
seems to see the world vaguely different than the other, but you have to credit
those brave enough to be the communicators.
Personally, I’m going to try it again.
I think it is harder to think through the scripts put together by those
who are not a Multiple, than to write ourselves. For an example of non-Multiples writing,
there is a play discussed in today’s work called, “That
Night” which is a tale made into a psychological thriller of just a married
couple. The wife discovers in one night
the story behind her husband’s younger life.
Most of the plays, shows, videos, and other works of fiction play to an
audience with a contorted view of what Multiplicity is. Today, we’re taking a stance to begin writing
editorial comments from curated material found on the Internet, particularly from
Google - from the “daily news” of the World of Multiplicity. Welcome to our World! Our name is “Ann” and we’re a Multiple. Welcome Anns ;)
Ann Garvey
Feb 24, 2015
(22,043, 82,876)
29 minute video introduction and
then listening to some of the Multiple’s personalities – similar conversation
topics
Individual
new to Multiplicity feels alone and scared and is looking for support
Individual worries that she might
have Multiplicity and is looking for opinions before talking to psychiatrist
Individuals
overwhelmed by a great amount of movement by her littles and the amount of
switching her people are doing which makes her feel out of control and anxious
Individual new to
DID and feeling overwhelmed by internal chaos.
Individual is questioning diagnosis and looking for people with similar
feelings and experiences
Lurking long-standing
husband of undiagnosed wife frustrated with doctors is trying to make sense of
DID by describing symptoms and difficulties they are having and hoping for
support
Individual with
longstanding OCD ask questions because fears “getting” MPD though he states
never abused
Abstract states
variables tested for older adult suicide risk including personality traits,
suicidal ideation, depression, hopelessness, perceived burdensomeness and
thwarted belongingness.
Individual
overwhelmed by rapid switching and questions who she is. She states memories fade easy including
childhood and asks if others experience Multiplicity in third person
The Multiple
Alicia asks for confirmation of others with sad feelings about not interacting
with outsiders due to stigma so that 90% of the time a particular individual
self shows for their group
Individual (in
arrear of others) is not remembering details for driving and feeling out of
control because someone else is “in the front” and discusses looking over the
other’s shoulder
Notice of a psychological
thriller play (India) where a couple play on DID centered on one night of their
life and the wife discovering the past of her husband
Scarlet discusses
an inner individual named Trash as to when she became known, characteristics
and like Scarlet shares feelings about herself not being able to do anything
Individual not
sure what to do about a disruptive inner part (voice) she used to block, but is
now out upsetting younger parts and sabotaging psychological progress
