Mind Mapping - the NEWS (slowly - work in process)

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

DID/MPD NEWS: Day 55 - February 24, 2015

What I Know About Multiplicity Today - Tuesday, February 24, 2015 – Day 55

Today, there were six areas of interest from the Google Alerts.  There were 14 entries (see annotated references below) that included: 1) people being concerned over having Multiplicity, 2) people who were new to it, 3) one person married to a Multiple - though undiagnosed, 4) Multiples discussing general concerns, 5) notice of a play based on Multiplicity, and 6) an abstract where researchers were looking at personality traits in older adults looking at risk factors for suicide ideation
Although Multiplicity isn’t a “personality disorder,” there is most likely a higher than normal risk for suicidal ideation with Multiples who commonly have PTSD, depression and/or anxiety or borderline personality disorder.  One Questionnaire by Townsend asks if “risk of suicide” correlates with unresolved issues of grief.  Other studies (not named) tie sexual abuse and incest directly to becoming suicidal.  The researchers studying today’s work of suicidal ideation are looking into depression, but also hopelessness, perceived burdensomeness and thwarted belongingness. 
In general today’s work shows that some people concerned about having Multiplicity worry and look for opinions by people more knowledgeable about Multiplicity, especially through some of the more informal forums, for example, psych forum, experience project, tumbler, or “recover your life” are the forums represented in today’s Google alerts.  One of the individuals commented on her interest in finding out about Multiplicity before seeing a psychiatrist.  There are many things to worry about, such as thinking one is not “normal,” not knowing what the diagnosis means, or even the belief that people might not think Multiples are valid, or have validity.  In Winona, MN where we went to college there were three psychiatrists and none believed in dissociative identity disorder (DID) and that had a decidedly and disproportionately bad effect on our treatment for suicidality.  We were locked in a room with just a mattress on the floor for the majority of our stay at the hospital.  One writer who had OCD commented on being afraid of “getting” DID.  There is a strong tie of Multiplicity with childhood sexual abuse so that a person who doesn’t have that problem might question if there is something she is forgetting.
After one is diagnosed, it is common to have strong feelings such as feeling alone and scared or being overwhelmed.  Not only does the individual sometimes question the diagnosis, they are also (if actually Multiple) being subjected to internal chaos.  Often people within have learned to hide their identities for the systems benefit. And, suddenly the balloon is untied and air is rushing out. It is frustrating because things are hard to explain, there may be panic, and there is definitely the desire to have the “thoughts” stop.  To be overwhelmed is to be taken over by a certain amount of force not unlike the original crises’.  It is very overpowering and threatening to any sense of self one had had.  Of course, there are others, who seem to know and understand their Multiplicity without all the fanfare, but people using the forums are usually more upset and looking for support from others sharing common feelings and experiences.  Many still look for advice – for example, in sorting it all out.
One of the people writing today is the husband of someone who is suspected to be a Multiple by a husband/wife team.  Supporters of people with Multiplicity go through an upsetting nest of problems in learning to better communicate, facilitate care for the Multiple, if needed, as well as tending to children or others living in the home.  Online support is commonly sought by people especially lacking available support from the medical community.  Some feel it is liberating and they gain perspective by sharing one’s symptoms or difficulties through reflective writing to both self and others.  Randomly “blind” social support has to be taken, however, with a grain of salt.  We have to be responsible for our choices and decisions no matter what the social and less formal outcomes.  Working as a couples’ team is also difficult due to hearing all the messages of the different people within the Multiples’ system.  One of my partner’s favorite expressions is, “Dear, bring it up a level,” which could mean he needs the help of more mature people within our system.  Part of the messages are verbal and some of the messages are non-verbal.  The care-taker of the two can find himself trying to help manage “traumatic memories” although they are not his memories.
One Multiple in today’s work discussed problems of fading memories – including childhood memories.  Without a sense of history one can question himself asking, “Who am I?”  If you are unconsciously exchanging people in and out and each asks the question - each answer is different, so the question becomes much more complex because the system has to hold some common sense of unified purpose and duty.  We as Multiples become overwhelmed by movements from especially the littles, especially when not fitting into adult skillsets common in our work, school or home environment.  I can recall being at work once when one of our littles jumped up screaming because there was a spider on the floor.  We shared the office with an elderly nun.  I believe her comment was, “Gather yourself!”  The amount of switching will affect selves as well as the speed (suddenness) of the switching.  It is easy to get to the point of feeling out of control and anxious.  And, it is sometimes difficult to share these feelings and thoughts with the outer “3D-world” because there is a stigma of having a disorder such as DID
                If you are unsure of yourself, or one of your other selves, Multiples will sometime attempt to block that person (even self) from being “out front” because we don’t want the littles or more vulnerable disrupted or we don’t want to be disrupted personally by what feels like a psychological sabotage.  It can feel like being out of control to have someone else “in front” often because when you are in the backseat, you don’t remember all the details of driving or seeing what the driver sees and experiences.  It is like looking over one’s shoulder.  The view isn’t as clear.
                We find in our own system, as others do, that you get to know others within your system by trying to defend your ideas of what happened when,  and noticing what were the characteristics of someone that just presented or behaved in such and such a manner.  There is a lot of confusion and frustration.  It is also normal to compare yourself with one or more of the internal others so that in an observer’s role you share things that are positive, but also things that leave you feeling very inadequate.  One person might understand the order of putting together a complex work routine, but then when surprised by the duty as a questionable learning activity – no, I don’t know consciously who decides these things – we call her Marie, but if you are left holding an empty bag, you can feel very inadequate and without hope because of lack of personal ability or knowledge, and you know this fumbling is going to happen over and over.  The memory bag or bucket appears to have permanent holes in it. 
                It also seems that when you are not in control some “other” part of you has large bits of control.  It is not uncommon to believe that one’s system is held by relatively a few group leaders.  One writer asked if others experience Multiplicity in the third person.  Somewhat humorously, it seems that when someone doesn’t want responsibility or believes something is too hard, they are even surer that some other “part” is in control of that facet of behavior.  But, as you become aware that you are now “on the scene and caught out,” it is up to you in real time to take the opus of responsibility, if not communication for any of the proceeding events.  There is also a certain amount of sadness when you are NOT out because it is kind of sad not to have time out with external others.  Most people want to share by meeting others, or working and playing in the outside world to gain new experiences.  Amy Jackson invites people to meet her personalities through her videos of various parts being self-interviewed.  She is a Hindi actor. 
Each Multiple seems to see the world vaguely different than the other, but you have to credit those brave enough to be the communicators.  Personally, I’m going to try it again.  I think it is harder to think through the scripts put together by those who are not a Multiple, than to write ourselves.  For an example of non-Multiples writing, there is a play discussed in today’s work called, “That Night” which is a tale made into a psychological thriller of just a married couple.  The wife discovers in one night the story behind her husband’s younger life.  Most of the plays, shows, videos, and other works of fiction play to an audience with a contorted view of what Multiplicity is.  Today, we’re taking a stance to begin writing editorial comments from curated material found on the Internet, particularly from Google - from the “daily news” of the World of Multiplicity.  Welcome to our World!  Our name is “Ann” and we’re a Multiple.  Welcome Anns ;)

Ann Garvey
Feb 24, 2015
(22,043, 82,876)

Annotated References:
29 minute video introduction and then listening to some of the Multiple’s personalities – similar conversation topics

              Individual new to Multiplicity feels alone and scared and is looking for support

Individual worries that she might have Multiplicity and is looking for opinions before talking to psychiatrist

Feeling detached – Multiple Minds                      
Individuals overwhelmed by a great amount of movement by her littles and the amount of switching her people are doing which makes her feel out of control and anxious

Individual new to DID and feeling overwhelmed by internal chaos.  Individual is questioning diagnosis and looking for people with similar feelings and experiences

Lurking long-standing husband of undiagnosed wife frustrated with doctors is trying to make sense of DID by describing symptoms and difficulties they are having and hoping for support

Individual with longstanding OCD ask questions because fears “getting” MPD though he states never abused

Abstract states variables tested for older adult suicide risk including personality traits, suicidal ideation, depression, hopelessness, perceived burdensomeness and thwarted belongingness.

Individual overwhelmed by rapid switching and questions who she is.  She states memories fade easy including childhood and asks if others experience Multiplicity in third person

The Multiple Alicia asks for confirmation of others with sad feelings about not interacting with outsiders due to stigma so that 90% of the time a particular individual self shows for their group

Individual (in arrear of others) is not remembering details for driving and feeling out of control because someone else is “in the front” and discusses looking over the other’s shoulder

Notice of a psychological thriller play (India) where a couple play on DID centered on one night of their life and the wife discovering the past of her husband

Scarlet discusses an inner individual named Trash as to when she became known, characteristics and like Scarlet shares feelings about herself not being able to do anything

Individual not sure what to do about a disruptive inner part (voice) she used to block, but is now out upsetting younger parts and sabotaging psychological progress